When I was a kid whenever someone broke up with their boyfriend or girlfriend they would say, “I quit him!” or “I quit her!” I always thought that was a bit silly and totally funny. Ending your marriage is not funny and people tend to make you feel guilty for it. That’s why I titled the blog the way I did to bring levity to a very serious situation. Below you will find several things to consider before quitting on your marriage. If you have other things that should be considered please add them to the comments below.
Is your marriage just going through a phase?
All marriages go through phases. Sometimes it’s all about one person and at other times it’s all about the other. It’s normal for attention and focus to shift from one person to another. It’s not normal for one person to dominate the marriage. It’s also normal for there to be times when you’re more intimate than at other times. Having a baby will seriously mess with your intimacy, and your wife will need to heal physically and emotionally, not to mention you’ll both need to adjust to your new lives. It’s a good idea to weather the rough seas of being new parents before you choose to quit your marriage.
Is your marriage unhealthy or toxic for you or your children?
Abuse is always toxic and should never be tolerated. But the thing about abuse, especially emotional, is that you’re not always aware it’s happening. If you have a faint idea that something isn’t right and your marriage is not what you thought it would be like, that’s a good indication to go see a therapist. Not couples therapy, individual therapy. When you go to therapy you must be honest and do the work or you’ll never see the changes needed to improve your situation. Your therapist may indeed think your marriage is unhealthy and may help you think about how to end it safely. On the other hand she may point out that you are the problem in your marriage and give you tools to work on yourself.
Do you expect all of your needs to be met in your marriage?
Stop right now! Your spouse can’t be everything for you. Find a hobby that’s just for you. Develop friendships just for you. When you become your own person and do things you enjoy it can actually enhance your marriage. Please note: If you’re in a relationship with someone with narcissistic tendencies they will isolate you. That’s unhealthy.
Are you loving yourself?
Maybe you’ve quit on yourself. Please don’t do that. Love yourself. Speak kindly to yourself. Loving yourself will help you make wise decisions for your future.
Are you staying in the marriage just for the kids?
When you are contemplating quitting your marriage think about yourself first. Not your children. Your kids are important, but they’re not getting a divorce. Kids will be okay. You have to be safe and healthy. Kids need healthy, functioning parents more than they need parents who are married just for the sake of being married.
Take your time making this decision and don’t allow anyone to rush you.